Dear The Pants,
I've got some bad karma. Things could be worse but I'm trying to keep things from spinning out of control like a mortgage crisis. Recently I got pulled over for speeding. Luckily I only got a warning for the speeding but a ticket for the expired inspection sticker. Then I pulled into a parking lot and started walking into a store before I realized I got out of my car and left it running (good thing I use the key to lock it or I would have pulled a Big Guy and locked my keys in a running car). Shortly after leaving the car running I gave a white minivan a love tap on the rear bumper. Again, no real damage but when you add all of these things together it seems like a disaster is building. I feel like I've laid down a perfect bunt but then fell down getting out of the batters box or that I finally stole a base only to realize the guy in front of me missed the sign and now we are both out. Pants, I need to change my karma, what can I do?
Your friend,
Tim
Good question Tim! It sounds like you are having some serious crazy times!!! I'm not sure if you know this, but dogs are the universe's offical keepers of the karma. If you are having bad karma it must mean that you have accidentally upset a dog somewhere - maybe Harli!!! This is my sista Harli!
I know you would never do this on purpose - the Pants remembers when you attacked the Big Guy with the dustbuster and protected the Pants' honor!! (The Big Guy still hasn't ever chased me with it again! I totally owe you one Tim Ed! I will give you the extra cuddles next weekend!!) However, the good thing is that it is very easy to turn around one's karma. Dogs are a very forgiving bunch for the most part - although I would not recommend insulting Tico's heritage. He becomes irate!! I kid you not!!! That was the last time I ever called him a "tortilla face" I'll tell you that much!
Okay Tim, so you are probably wondering how to change this karma around. First you need to go to an ice cream place and get a bunch of non-chocolate flavored ice cream .(I don't know why but chocolate can make dogs sick. Well, that's at least what human persons say. The Pants thinks it might just be a load of poop so human persons can hog all the yummy chocolate!) Once you drive home, make sure the Kelli doesn't see you because she may not be a fun of the ice cream orgy that is to follow. Then take Harli in the backyard and let her totally chow down on all the yummy ice cream!! Harli's happiness will immediately change your karma, and before you know it, you will be getting the raise, and getting a promotion so that Frito Guy works for you, and girls will see you and lose their minds!! (but don't do anything with the mind loss girls - I love the Kelli!)
Keep this between us though - I don't want Kelli with an "I" getting mad at me.
7 days til the Pants is in Houston for Tim's birthday festivities! I haven't even started packing yet! Holy crap!! LOL!!!
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