Important Gift Card Question

One of my favorite humans and one of my most inquisitive readers, Tim, asks the following:

I don't shop at Wal-Mart much because they squash the mom & pop store and treat their employees poorly...and they are from Arkansas and who can support anyone being from Arkansas (NOT me!!)!!! Anyway, I have a sizable gift card from Wal-Mart, how should I spend it?

Well, Tim, while I agree with you on Wal-Mart sucking the big one, I cannot agree on your Arkansas comments! The Big Guy is from Arkansas, and he totally rules!!! Yes, it is a very weird and annoying place, this is true. And they name their towns annoying "cute" combo names like Arkadelphia!! Seriously, that is soooo annoying!!! Actually, maybe the Big Guy is the only good thing to come out of Arkansas!!

So, back to the Wal-Mart. There are several things you could do with your gift card Tim. Depending on how sizable it is, you could have a lot of fun. First, the serious route. You could totally buy awesome presents for Kelli and my main girl Harli!!! Just make sure you do not give them the awesome gifts in a Wal-Mart box or bag. Then they would be insulted and would have to throw poop at you.

For example, the Kelli totally deserves and would love these little gems, which can be found at Wal-Mart for only $9,000:

And the Harli would totally rock this Rock Star Tee befitting her name, also, available at Wal-
mart, just ignore the pussy dog model!:

And the whole fam. would totally enjoy this:The Big Guy wants one of those, but Jessica is too poor and stupid to get it for him!

Or, you could buy some guns and ammo and totally shoot up the Wal-Mart! You might go to jail, but it would be awesome!! Especially if you work your "Danger, Men Cooking" apron! I love that!! LOL!!!! Or you could buy paint supplies, poster board, etc. and make signs to stage your own Wal-Mart protest!! But that would be a lot of work. The Pants would probably get bored halfway through, so I would advise against that!! I think the easiest way to stick it to Wal-Mart and to solve your problem would be to buy a gift card with your gift card!! And then give it to someone you don't like!! Preferably someone from Arkansas!!! I am getting to your other questions Tim, have patience!! And keep the questions coming!! The Pants knows that an inquisitive mind is a true sign of intelligence, and the Pants loves the way yours works!!!!