Talking With the Pants

Sunday, January 30, 2011

MARATHON!!!

So I was totes excited to go check out a marathon today! I homegirl Kelli was totally running in it and I wanted to go cheers her on. Besides, it was going to be my first marathon...I was SUPPOSED to see the Big Guy and Jessica run in the Austin Marathon last year, but Grandma Linda and Grandpa Jim got lost and never made it to the house to get me!! OH THE HORROR!!!

So we walked down to Weslayan and 59 today to see the race...but it was raining. I HATE RAIN! In fact, here are my five least favorite things on earth as of today:

5. Houston's City Ordinance against dogs in restaurants. WTF H-town?

4. Astronaut Mike Dexter (he knows what he did)

3. Jessica

2. Tape Devils (You may know them as "tape measurers"..I know them as terrifying!)

1. Rain

This was AFTER I was dried off:

NOT COOL!

Marathons are stupid. Hmmph.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Plano!

I'm going to Plano for Thanksgiving!! Wowsers!!! Here is a list of the people I will be seeing!

Big Guy (I plan on sitting in his lap all the way to Plano. But shhhh, don't tell him just yet)

Jessica (over my strong objections)

Grandpa Jim (I can't wait for all the walks!)

Grandma Linda (I can't wait for all the snarky comments!)

Uncle Brian (Totes awesome!)

Cousin Moe (He is the only dog I'll play with. Also, he protects me from dangers, like mean dogs and Jessica)

Cousin Pumpkin (this is a cat. IN THE HOUSE! for reals. I can't wait to ask Moe why he hasn't eaten him yet. Pumpkins are delicious! LOL!)

Sara (I haven't seen her since the wedding THAT I WAS NOT INVITED TO. Hmmmph)

I cannot wait. Let's load up the car, pausing only for a quick hero shot against the blue sky!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Chillin' in Spring

Reader Peeps! What a week! First there was a seriously loud fire alarm in our building and this one guy's apartment seriously looked like Niagra Falls. There was water everywhere and I was crazy freaked out.

Now, I know what you all are thinking: "Pants, you are worldly and awesome, but you have never been to Niagara Falls." Good point! Unlike all the people who bet money that UT would get back to a bowl this year, my reader peeps are way intelligent!! However, I figure if I mention Niagara Falls, then maybe, just maybe, the Big Guy will whisk me away to the one place on earth the Pants believes is the most romantic place ever!

Bask in the romance peeps!! Ooo-la-la!

The romance on LSD! LOL!

I know what you NOW are thinking..."Pants, you hate showers and loud noises. Why would you love a place that is basically the world's largest shower and louder than 8 Real Housewives trapped in an elevator?" Gold star to you readers! However, who knows why!? You can't predict the Pants because i'm loco! Never forget this picture!

Insane in the membrane bitches!

However, all joking aside, the fire alarm was seriously NOT COOL! I immediately went into panic mode and went to the one place that was I know from experience is safe from fire alarms, tape devils, fireworks, dragons and Jessica: under the bed!

Can't nobody faze me here yo!

I'll admit to you peeps because I trust you - I was totes terrified. The Big Guy tried to help the guy turn off the water but, god bless him, the Big Guy and the word "handy" don't go together. He just ended up getting soaked and looking silly. Meanwhile Jessica did me a solid and carried me outside away from the loudness. Seriously, you would have thought this had happened in our neighbor's apartment:

One time the Big Guy told Jessica there was a volcano, and she asked where, and he said in his pants! She just rolled her eyes, but I laughed and laughed. Oh Big Guy! You are almost as funny as Tico.

Anyways, the rest of the week was the ushe...I was ignored during the day, I did not get enough walking time at night or at lunch nor did I have my belly rubbed enough to the meet the Pants' diligent requirements. (sigh)

Despite this, Jessica went to NYC this weekend to see the Irish and hang with my peep Porst! It was just me and the Big Guy! Finally!

Bye-Bye!

So we hung out, chilled around the casa, and then I took a super good nap. I mean, possibly the nap to end all naps:

Most. Comfortable. Couch. Ever.

And today? We went out to Spring to chill with Grandma and Grandpa Cathey!! I love them! They rub my belly, give me food and let me play in their ginormous backyard. And, get this, their backyard HAS SQUIRRELS! Imagine your favorite place, multiply that place by ten levels of awesomeness, and then rub it in butter...that is their house.

Yes, Grandpa I love you too. Now, put me down so I can sleep in the comfy chair.

Not that Comfy Chair! Come on Editor, pull it together man!

Then Papa John totally played with me! Check out this video...but do not fail to note the toughness I show when an apparent earthquake hits:

Christian Siriano isn't the only one who is fierce!

Then I chilled with Grandma Marilyn! She drops food on the floor for me. I heart her.

Here we are totes gossiping about boys...she thinks George Strait is still hot! What? He's like 90! Oh Grandma Marilyn! I've got Bieber fever! LOL!

Unfortunately the Big Guy forgot to bring my food with him, so it's 8:30 and I'm starving.

Big Guy

I'm out! Off to the airport to get Jessica and to get fed. LYLAS reader peeps!!!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Enchanted Rock Adventure!!

To all the peeps I've loved before

To all the peeps in and out my door

I know i've been away

But for you I'm back today

To all the peeps I've loved before

Hey everyone! You're looking live..er...reading live at what might be one of the last entries that comes from the House of Payne! Jessica snookered someone into giving her a real job in Houston. For money! For reals! Houstonians are stupid!!! LOL!

So the news is that we are going to be moving down to Houston and reunited with the Big Guy again. R-A-P-T-U-R-E!!! Needless to say, when I heard this news I was so excited that I insisted on multiple belly rubs from a number of never-before-tried angles! I can't wait to hang with Beyonce once I get to H-town.

Before the Bayou City becomes my home, I have to tell you about the exploits of Dame Pants Hilary! Over Labor Day Weekend, Jessica and the Big Guy kept saying that we were going to Enchanted Rock on Monday and asking me if I was excited. I jumped up and did my cute little dance, but I'm going to level with you peeps, I had no idea what this Enchanted Rock was. It sounded like it could either be magical in an awesome way, or magical in a super lame way. What if it was just some rock and they dressed me up in some wizard outfit, like this!

Dear poor dog friend, your pride called, it's never coming back.

As we drove in the Prius west on Labor Day, they told me Enchanted Rock was some sort of mountain! OMG!! It is a dome made out of pink granite that is 425 feet tall! We got there and I was totes nervous! But I couldn't let them see me sweat (that would come later, you know, when I was climbing a freaking MOUNTAIN) so I gave them my best super confident face:

Nope. Not my douchey a-hole face.

Dear Hulkster,

Please make your daughter go away.

Sincerely,

Everyone

Not quite there...

HELLS YEAH! KEEP FEAR ALIVE STEPHEN!

My sweater of confidence.

So reader peeps here is a photocap of the big day at Enchanted Rock. Enjoy!

Enchanted Rock. Note the grandeur!

"You want me to climb WHAT?"

"Yes, yes, I've read the map. Let's DO THIS!"

If you were clumsy, you could fall into prickly cacti.

Because of this, we had to keep our eyes on Jessica all day! LOL!

Before we even started our climb, I was attacked by local wildlife!!

"Big Guy, he is totally coming back! FOR SERIOUS! HELPS!"

"I told you that monster was coming back.

Have I mentioned that I hate Enchanted Rock."

"So...we're done, right? Why are you both laughing?"

Beginning the climb...which apparently began on the moon.

Buzz Aldrin, here I come! LOL!

Hero shot. Oh yes.

Stop touching me.

"I am going to OWN you Summit Trail. Bring it!"

Jessica slowing down my herculean climb.

"I'm on a ROCK, mother******!!"

Pants-eye-view of the steepness.

That dorky kid on the right keep saying there were "Dinosaur-us" tracks. Moron.

I hope you get used to asking people whether they would like paper or plastic!

Oh snap!

My humans!!

(note the Big Guy's devastatingly sexy unshaven look!)

"I'm having fun and all Big Guy, but can we stop and rest? I might die. For reals."

"We're stopping? Oh thank God."

"I am halfway up a mountain!! And a leaf is halfway in my face. LOL"

"It's like being on a boat but not moving. WTF?"

The view. Drink it in peeps. It always goes down smooth.

MY ROCK!!!

Pants' climbing tip:

It's always important to check your map to know where you are.

Pants' climbing tip #2:

If possible, have someone carry you going up.

"Covered in water...feeling the wind...this is the life!!!"

"Raise your paw if you want to be carried down!"

"I did it! Totes Magotes!"

What a day! I'll be back soon to talk about the big move, college football, why Houston smells weird, and all the things I'll miss about Austin. Until next time Reader Peeps. The Pants....is.....out!

GO IRISH!! GO OWLS!!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Lost Party!!!

Reader Peeps! What excitement! What awesomeness! What....amazing disappointment! But that is the actual finale of Lost. The Lost Party that the Big Guy and Jessica threw tonight was crazy cool (even though Jessica was part of it...ugh). Check out these pictures!