Crap

I will admit readers, I still haven't been feeling quite myself of late. I have had this weird urge to cuddle with Jessica, and that really angers the Pants. Apparently, she got the SIM message and took me to the doctor. It turns out that my UTI is STILL not cleared up!!

The doctor did all kind of tests on me to figure out what was wrong. I was NOT happy!! They checked my poop and my ears, did an ultrasound of my bell, and took X-Rays!! $500 later, and I'm back on medicine. There are two upsides to my tale of woe: Jessica had to cough up the money (LOL!) and the medicine is giving me the runs. While the latter may not seem like an upside, I plan on having an "accident" somewhere very inconvenient and horrible for Jessica!! Especially since she left me alone for HOURS the other night to go see crappy U2. The Big Guy went as well, but I'm sure it was her fault. Plus, tomorrow they are going to some bar to watch football all day. Again - I'm sure this is Jessica's idea. So, while she's out tomorrow, she will get a great surprise!! LOLOL!! Any suggestions for where to leave her my gift?? I cannot WAIT!

Pants out!

I'm BACK!!!

Hello Readers!! Thank you for your patience! I did not realize that I was so behind in my blogging until I received the following e-mail from my peeps Emmett and Sugar:

Dear Pants,
Emmett and Sugar here. Our stupid mom managed to bust her laptop at home so we have not been able to follow your blog for weeks! Imagine our surprise when we finally got back online and discovered there were NO POSTS from the Pants! We are concerned, nay, alarmed! Here it is just weeks until October and we have not even begun to coordinate outfits and mischievous pranks to play on our servants (I mean, owners). Is everything okay, Pants? We misseth thee.

Paws and kisses,
Emmett and Sugar

P.S. Our mom is so dumb she forgot she had an entire filet mignon in the refrigerator until it was too late to cook it for humans so we got to eat it for dinner last night. Also, she forgot to clothes the door where she hides her dirty clothes last week and we ate a pair of her underpants and pooped them out in the yard. Take that, Ms. Close Your Closet Door.

Emmett and Sugar - DUDES!! I am sooo sorry for my lack of posting. I have been recovering for the past month - yes, that is MONTH, from my UTI. On the plus side, that means a month of butter treats. Butter treats are what I call my pills. Seriously, if you dip your pills in butter, they are DELICIOUS! I cannot recommend this enough!! Anyway, I also have been a bit depressed because of the weather. Seriously, I was all for some rain, I know we needed it, but COME ON!! The Pants needs to be free, to run, to frolic, not to be walked around a few times a day and not allowed to moon walk in the grass because it is wet. The damp weather has had me in a bit of a funk, but I am back peeps!! Willing to shake it off and begin blogging anew!

Recently, due to the weather, I have been relegated to playing mind games with Jessica to keep myself entertained. Basically, I stare at her non-stop all day, Sim-style!! That's right!! I act like a SIM! She HATES IT!! This is my Sim face!!

"I want something! You must figure it out!! Come on Jessica, figure it out!!"" LOLOLOL!!

I have also been cuddling with Jessica more than usual. She totally thinks I am still sick and wants to take me to the vet!! She's so distraught!! It's HILARIOUS!! The truth is that the fatter she gets, the more comfy her lap gets, so I get to nap and mock her fattitude!!! It's awesome!! Between the fat lap nap technique and the Sim stare, I think I am slowly breaking her!!

Oh no!! Here she comes!! I will be back tomorrow peeps with a summary of what I've been up to!! There have been hijinks, shenanigans, and tom foolerys galore!! Brace yourselves!! The Pants Is BACK!