Weekends with Laura!

Good afternoon everyone! I am sorry it has been so long since I have had a chance to fill you in on my exciting Friday night at my dogwalker Laura's!! As you may or may not know, Jessica and the Big Guy went to San Antonio last Friday night to see Journey, Heart, and Cheap Trick. (I know - they are soooo "hip" and "cool" and "down with the youth"!) They stayed the night in San Antonio, so I got to go to Laura's house!! Now, I must say, that while I still have a great time at Laura's, and feel very comfortable and at home there, things have changed a bit since I first started gracing them with my presence. Namely, the introduction of one Mozart into the mix!!!

I'll back track a bit!! The first time I stayed at Laura's, I was a little scared, but I totally knew it was going to be ok because I LOVE Laura, and her husband Paul, and Samantha! Samantha rules!!! This is Samantha!!! (the cute one is me - LOL! JK!)

Anyway, the peeps always love the Pants, so it was no surprise that they LOVED having me over sometimes!! They totally roll out the red carpet for the Pants. I get to roam the house, sleep in the beds, and curl up on all of the furniture! Plus, they had two super cool dogs, Tico and Coco!!! Tico and Coco are awesome!!! They are totally chill dudes!!! Coco is a little older though, so she usually doesn't party, but Tico and me, man, we would totally kick back with some Corona's and Flirtinis and laugh and laugh!!! Tico can tell a story better than any dog I know!!! So wise!!! Maybe wiser than the Pants, but not by much!!!

Well, that was how it used to be until Laura and Paul and Samantha decided to adopt another dog named Mozart. Mozart is a puppy. A very large puppy. Now, Mozart is a very sweet fuzzy thing, and I know that no harm is meant by the Mozart, but seriously, this dog has messed up what was once a very good thing for the Pants! This is my "not happy" face.

My little vacation getaway has now become a long exhausting game of avoid the Mozart. The Mozart likes to paw at the Pants and try and get me to play. The Pants will oblige for a little while, but then I want to chill and drink Flirtinis with Tico! Not anymore. Tico has gone into hiding (I told you - wise!) and poor Coco is no help as whenever Coco encounters Mozart, Mozart bites onto Coco's collar and drags Coco around the house!!! I've thus far avoided that fate, but I know it is coming. The Mozart NEVER stops!!! I was able to escape to Samantha's room overnight and get some zzzzz's, but lo and behold, there was Mozart again in the morning!! This is too much for the Pants. I need to figure out a way to either get Mozart to chill or get Mozart to be distracted so I can find Tico and we can hide together!

All in all though, it was a fun time as always at Laura's!!! She has a convertible, did I mention that? Oh man - it is like a land boat!!! So awesome!! Stupid Jessica could have bought a convertible when she got rid of her crappy Contour, but of course, she didn't. She got a Nissan whose dashboard is so far away that the Pants can't even prop herself up on it anymore. I'll say it again for the umpteenth time. She is stupid and annoying. I hope the Big Guy comes to his senses soon!!!! So, any ideas for dealing with the Mozart situation would be killer!!! Until next time, Clancy out!

Finally, I am being given the admiration I deserve . . .

Review: Dark Knight - Holy Crap!

I have been trying to digest the blockbuster movie "The Dark Knight" which is the new Batman movie. I snuck into the Alamo drafthouse on Saturday night and watched it with Jessica, the Big Guy and my homegirl MM. In case you forgot from boating day, this is MM - .

She is awesome and according to Jessica's dad, she is "a pistol." Of course, while I love grandpa, he also thinks Jessica is "awesome", so I take what he says with a grain of salt - especially after a few Miller Lites.

Anyways, we got our seats (the Big Guy carried me under his shirt - he told them he was fat and he has a rare condition where his fat moves! LOL Big Guy!) and settled in. I was very excited because I have been reading the reviews of the Batman and man, people are losing their minds for it!! But at the same time, I get scared totally easy at movies so I was pretty nervous. My owners and MM took turns calming me down and luckily, I snuck some of Jessica's wine which very much took the edge off. I know I shouldn't be drinking since I'm only 5, but that's like 35 in reader peep years. The Pants likes to have a buzz! Then the lights went down and the Dark Knight started, and HOLY CRAP!!! In just the first few minutes, the Joker robs a bank and kills people and I was like "Whoah Joker! Why you gots to kill all your peeps??" This Joker seemed to have no loyalties - the Pants ached to know more about the Joker and his demons!!!

Two and half hours later reader peeps, I can only say that the Dark Knight rocks super hard core trash party awesome!!! So much morality!! So much Joker madness!! So much Christian Bale without his shirt on!!! Well, not enough of the latter, but some is better than nothing. Christian Bale = sexy, even for a Pants! But this movie is not for the faint of heart! Main characters get blown up and have their faces melted off!! When the face melting off happened, the Pants hid under the chair!! It was like at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark with the face melting!! In my book, the only things scarier than face melting are fireworks and tape measurers. Terrifying those tape measurers!!!

As for cool stuff in the movie, the Batman rides a Batcycle that kicks tons of Gotham butt! I want the Batman to put my doggles on and take me on THAT ride with him. Think of all the chicks we would meet with both the Batman being awesome and me being so cute!!! Nobody could resist!! I know the Batman does pretty okay with girls, but combined with the Pants nobody would stand a chance against us!! Maybe the world is not ready for such a devastating duo.

Back to the movie, the acting was greenie-esque (i.e. worth a TON of greenies!!). The Christian Bale was great, the Aaron Eckhart surprised the Pants with his character arc, the Gary Oldman was top notch (but you shouldn't let your family think you are dead Commissioner Gordon - that is NOT COOL!) and obviously the Maggie Gyllenhall was a billion times better than sucky Katie Holmes, but the Heath Ledger stole the show! He made the Joker funny and terroristy at the same time!! Sometimes I laughed and laughed at the Joker's witticisms and insanity, and other times the Pants shuddered with terror! To the Pants, that is the sign of a classic villain. Well, that and crazy makeup! It looked like Jessica put it on for him! LOL!!! And in the end, no characters really win - everybody has lost something along the way. Especially the Big Guy, who drank way more beer than MM...I think he marked his territory in the theatre. Super gross Big Guy!!!

All in all, I give the Dark Knight my highest ranking! 4 Paws!!! I of course wanted to go out and party on Sixth Street after the movie, but my owners were tired and lame, so MM and I had to say goodnight. MM, if you want to have flirtinis one night without Jessica or the Big Guy around call me. We can be best friends?

TRASH PARTY!!!

Oh man, what a day I had last week readers! I'm sorry the Pants has been remiss in my blogging, but it took me a while to recover from the Trash Party I had. It was that good!!! You know when you're like the Big Guy and you don't eat dinner, and you drink wine until you start yelling at people exiting the Borat movie and then don't remember any of the movie?? I call this a "bender". Well, I had a bender too....but with trash!!! LOL!!!!

First of all, Jessica left and I got back and cuddled with the Big Guy. It was good times!! We spooned and everything!! But then he got up to go to his "work", and I began eyeing the trash hopefully. He seemed to be in a hurry, so he rushed out the door...and totally forgot to put the trash up! I could hardly contain my excitement reader peeps! My heart was racing seriously fast...like Jessica's does when she sees food! Ha ha! So I waited a good 15 minutes or so, hung out, watched some Today show (Good Morning America sucks the big one!) and then proceeded to the trash. I was expecting maybe a little scrap of food, or maybe part of a carcass...but lo and behold it was a feast!! Jessica and the Big Guy had ordered pizza three days before, and while there was no pizza in there....hello salad and ranch sauce! A huge thing of ranch too. It was decadent!! Then, they had eaten at McDonalds the night before (nice nutrition guys by the way!) and there were fries and ketchup in there. Holy crap!! Needless to say, the rest of the morning became a blur of ranch and ketchup, ending with me looking out the window, thinking about how stupid my owners are.

They got home and Jessica tried to be mad at me, but before she could tell the Big Guy what happened he was totally petting me! And once you pet the Pants you can't get mad at me..it's unpossible!!

That's all for now. The Big Guy put the trash up today, but I'm going to see if I can't knock it down off the counter. I'm quite wiley!

Ha ha ha!!!!!

Ha ha!! The Pants cannot stop laughing!! Jessica sent out her invitations without enough postage on the RSVP!!! She is so stupid!!! LOLOLOLOL!!

Oh Buoy! Do I Love Boating!

Hello peeps!! This turned out to be the most exciting weekend the Pants has ever known. Well, at least the boating part. I had never heard of this boating!!! I can't believe that my dog friends do not talk of it all the time!! It is that good!! This is the life!

So, here is a little recap of my first boating experience. At first, I was unsure of where we were going. The Big Guy and his big fat fiancee packed up a bag, put me in the car, and proceeded to walk me down this "dock". It was more like a plank. Seriously, it was moving, and the Pants could see the water below! Crazy!!! I was really scared!! I was like "Hey Big Guy! The Pants is sorry for all of the Trash Parties!! Seriously!! Pants does not want to go out like this!" But then, the magic vessel appeared and we all went aboard. (I am like totally about the boating terminology!)

At first, I was a little scared. It was a weird sensation, the boat moving, the Pants not knowing what to do!!! I braced myself, then decided to hide out under the steering wheel for a while. But then, I heard the opening of a bag of chips and I had to come out and investigate. Well, I slowly made my way towards the stern of the boat (told you!), and it looked like everyone was relaxed and having fun!!!

My new main man Rick brought chips and tacos and he totally gave me some!!! And, my main girl MM had joined the party! With a little coaxing from Sunny (who is totally the Pants's hero - we have the same hair color! LOL!), the Pants ventured out!!

And man, am I glad I did!!! This boating stuff is so awesome I didn't even mind wearing my doggles! They were totally necessary!! Another guy, Anthony, thought that it would be difficult to meet lake babes with a silly little dog wearing doggles, but he is so stupid!!! The Pants met way more Lake Babes than Anthony!! Doggles rule!

Anyway, nothing beats the wind in your hair on a boat, it is like seriously awesome!!! I had a smile on my face the entire time!

I even smiled when Jessica was holding me!!!

And I kept smiling when MM was giving me the cuddles!!! But seriously Jessica, get out of the picture, no one likes you or wants to see your fat face!!!

I drank a few beers!!! Smoked a few cigarettes!!! Barked at a few dogs!! Went for a swim!!! And hung out with the Big Guy!!!



The Big Guy totally put my doggles on upside down!!! Oh drunk Big Guy!!!

We laughed and laughed!

And I wanted to post a picture of this guy too. He looks like an ass, but he was pretty hilarious!

I sure hope Sunny liked me enough to invite me back!! I totally won't be scared next time!!! Sunny? Can you adopt me? We already look alike??