Scary Times at Pants' House

Last night was crazy at my house!! I was minding my own business, laying on the bed when the Big Guy told me it was time to go out. So I'm just thinking "about time Big Guy!". I mean seriously. The Pants is not a camel!

But instead of just putting on my leash and taking me out, he gets his baseball bat first - i was all about to tell him that it was NOT ME who got in the trash, but then Jessica got a flashlight and went outside with us in her underwear. Her underwear and nothing else!! LOL right?? Well, I would have totally been laughing super hard, except I was worried that if I didn't pee fast enough the Big Guy might try and speed me up with the bat. That bat was not small reader peeps. It was way bigger than the Pants!! So then they started looking on the roof because something had been making noise and scratching at the door. I was like "hey guys! If there's something scary outside don't get the Pants involved!" I mean, i'm fierce and all, but I only weigh like 22 lbs and have like 4 teeth. I'm not sure what they expected me to do. But we went all around the house in the dark looking for some sort of monster- super scary times!!! They didn't find anything though, which makes me think it was something fast and really, really scary...like a Dementor (yeah, I love Harry Potter - who doesn't? LOL!) or maybe Rick Perry - his hair scares the Pants! I hope the Dementors and Rick Perry don't come back tonight.

You might think that was enough thrills and chills for one night, but no!! Keep reading at your own peril! We get back inside to go to bed and I'm not going to lie to you reader peeps, I was still having serious adrenaline going on....when all of a sudden this HUGE bug starts flying around the room and hitting walls and making crazy noises!!! It could have picked up the Pants...okay, maybe not, but it was HUGE! The Big Guy started hitting at it with a shoe and that's when I helped out the best way I could - I hid under the bed. There are 3 things that makes the Pants go under the bed - when I'm in trouble for getting in the trash, when there is thuder outside, and when things are attacking! Just those three things! Oh, and also when there are fireworks. And rain. And when my owners are doing things they shouldn't be doing until marriage.....okay, I go under the bed a lot. But it's NOT because I'm scared, it's just because I enjoy safety very much! And as studies show, there is no place safer in the world than under a bed. (During the cold war, people thought it was under a desk, but that's so stupid! A bed has way more protection!) So I got under there and didn't come out for like 15 minutes.

So tonight if anyone sees any Dementors (or freaky Rick Perry) on our roof tonight call the cops!! If you need me, I'll be under the bed.

Movie Review - Iron Man

Hello again! I have something new for you, my reader peeps. The Pants is going to review movies I have seen, either by sneaking into the theater (i am way sneaky just so you know), or usually, by watching at home on the couch because Jessica just likes to sit on her butt and watch movies and I have no choice but to watch them too. (Unless they are really bad - like Armageddon - good lord! I had to go under the bed for that one - and not because I was scared, but because I was afraid that the amount of cheese oozing from the t.v. would cause me to puke up my Greenies - NOT COOL! BAD AFFLECK!)

Anyway, this weekend I was able to sneak into the movie Iron Man!! And, holy crap!! I must give this movie my highest rating - FOUR PAWS!!!! First, I, being somewhat of a cinephile, have always loved the Robert Downey Jr. He is ok by me. He was perfect to play the Iron Man, and his human alta mater, Tony Stark. He brought the perfect amount of coolness, egomania, brains, conscience, smart assness, and most importantly FUN to the character! Seriously, it looks like it would be nothing but good times to be this Tony Stark. He is rich, he and he has cool cars!! (I love cars - I run directly towards any car that I see!) And he has this technology that blows the Pants's mind!!! It's crazy!!!

And, even though I was scared by the loud noises made by the Iron Man, and the bigger Iron Man made by Jeff Bridges, (I call him Fat Iron Man. Sometimes, I'm not very witty) it was totally worth watching them fight it out. I even liked the Pepper Potts!! Though what a stupid name, Pepper Potts, seriously, I know this is a comic book film, but get real! It reminds of me of Monica Lewinsky, or "The Portly Pepperpot" as she was called by some paper that I was not alive to read at the time, but was told about by a good friend I met on the streets! Speaking of the streets, if I had an Iron Man costume, no one would have messed with me! That would be awesome - I must obtain an Iron Man costume. I think the Big Guy would be on board with this. But Jessica would probably say it costs too much money because she has to pay for her stupid wedding that I am not even invited to.

Anyway, sorry, I sometimes follow my thoughts to wherever they may take me, and they usually take me to my frustration with Jessica. But back to the movie - Go see the Iron Man!!! It even has kick ass music!! The Pants LOVES metal!!!!! If you like fun and Downey Juniors, GO SEE IT!! If you like being boring and not having fun, then do whatever you want. Dork.

Bottom Line - FOUR PAWS! I was on the edge of my seat the entire time! And that was hard to do - quite a balancing act - I'll blog more about that later!

Ok, I'm off to take a nap. Blogging makes me tired!!! PANTS OUT!

Hello From the Pants

Hello to all my peeps reading my brand new blog!  I have a myspace page that is pretty sweet too if you want to go check it out. I am all over this internets thing!  

Okay, now to the serious stuff. My name is Clancy Dolan Maloney...I know, kinda stupid.  But after a couple of sips of wine it sounds Irish and cool.  Anyway, my owners (see below) called me Clancy, then sometimes Clancypants, and now a lot of the time - just "Pants".  This made my owners look weird and perverted though. They would tell their friends "we're going home to pet the pants" and their friends thought they were pervs.  Which they are, but not because of me! LOL!

My owners are Jessica and the Big Guy.  The Big Guy is awesome!  He takes me on walks, and rubs my belly and we always have tons of fun together.  It would be perfect if the Big Guy and me lived on the beach somewhere.  But we live with Jessica, my other "owner".  I am happy she got me from the shelter and took me home, but sometimes she is so lame!  She would rather watch "American Idol" than rub my belly sometimes.  I mean, WTF? (i'm very good with acronums, I'm quite teck savvy!)  So she is okay, but the Big Guy is super awesome. You mess with the Big Guy...then you mess with the Pants!

I am very bored during the day when Jess and the Big Guy go to "work". I hate work.  They leave in the morning and don't come back until it's almost dark!  The Pants gets very bored and sad.  So one day when the Big Guy left the tv on "CNN" this guy was talking about how blogs are the all the rage and everyone cool has one. Well, the Pants is cool! So I had to have a blog.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, but I'm totally going give the address to my BFFs like Coco, Tico, Mozart and all my peeps at Taurus. And Jen C. Especially to her. She is the most awesomest of awesomest people, but she is scared of dogs. I have to work on not being so fierce and tough around her.  Sometimes I come across as 21lb of fury man! I can't help it! LOL!

Have a good memorial weekend everybody. I am going to go get in the trash...I mean, take a nap.