Monday, October 6, 2008
Help Me, Help You
Ok! So, I had a brilliant idea today!! (I have them everyday, but I don't always remember to blog about them!! LOL!) As the Pants is very wise, and has very many valid, absolutely correct, and unassailable opinions, I want to be generous and offer my services to my reader peeps! If you are having a difficult problem, need some fashion advice, hate your job, hate your roommate (believe me, I know A LOT about this topic - I live with Jessica), or just want the Pants's opinion on a particular topic, please, post your questions in the comments section, and the Pants will answer them!!! I will take all questions seriously, it will be my honor to serve!
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3 comments:
My hair is thick and kind of scratchy. How do you keep your coat so lustrous and beautiful?
Good question Mr. Jack, and thank you for noticing how beautiful and lustrous my coat is!! I spend a lot of time on it so that means a lot to me!! The first thing I must ask you Mr. Jack is where do you go for your shampoos and your haircuts?? This is very important!! I cannot stress this enough!! If you go to a poopy place you're going to come out looking like poop!! I used to go to Petsmart, and I would come out looking like I was out of a concentration camp!! Now the Big Guy and Jessica take me to Groomingdales Day Spa, and they use only the finest imported shampoos and conditioners on my hair. Even more importantly they express my anal glands, which not only makes the Pants feel better, but it gives me a glow that lasts for up to six weeks. My suggestion to you loyal reader Mr. Jack, is to stop using Pert Plus, get some high class shampoo (call Groomingdales and tell them the Pants sent you! They will totally hook you up my bro!!) and get your anal glands expressed. In no time, your hair is going to be so lustrous no female human person will be able to stop rubbing their fingers through it!!
Dear Pants,
It's October again and I'm getting stressed out thinking of that humiliating human event called Halloween. My Mom likes to dress me in silly, demeaning outfits and then takes me out in public for everybody to see! Can't she see how stupid I look in these get-ups? How can I discourage her from dragging me into this annoying human "holiday" this year?
Mitsu, Shiba Princess of the Orient
Click here for an example of the abuse I'm talking about.
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