Tim writes:
Dear Pants,
What is up with the Red Sox backup catcher Kevin Cash and his catching helmet? Doesn't he know he is supposed to wear the helmet backwards when he puts his mask on? Does he think he is stylish? Does Jason Varitek wear his helmet forward? Carlton Fisk? Jody Davis? Did Yogi Berra wear his cap forward? What about Ed Baily or Forrest Harrill "Smokey" Burgess? The answer is NO! Why, The Pants, why does Kevin Cash think he can do it?
Kevin Cash:
Wow, that is one good observation about the Kevin Cash's helmet and how crazy wiggity wacked up that is!!! And also major Pants Props to Tim for calling out all those famous catchers. NOBODY called a game like Smokey Burgess. Or could make better corn fritters. Mmmm mmmmm good!!!
But I digress my sweet Tim, back to your question of why the Kevin Cash wears his helmet frontwards - I wasn't sure. He was born in Tampa, which he can't help, but then he played for Toronto in Canada. They do things a LOT differently up there in Canada!! Maple Leaf country is nuts!! If you watch South Park every week as the Pants does, you would know that Canada only has ONE road, that they once elected Saddam Hussein the Prime Minister, and that Canadians have flapping heads that are all full of lies!!! It's MADNESS!!!
So when I have questions about Canada, I call up my main Canada homeboy Pierre. This is Pierre:
Pierre's Big Guy is a Mountie!! So I know he will totally give me the 4-1-1. When I told Pierre about this Kevin Cash human person, Pierre told me that tons of catchers have caught for the Expos and the Blue Jays, and none did this before, so it wasn't Kevin Cash's being exposed to the madness of Canada that caused this! Wowsers!! As always, good hookup on the info Pierre. Pierre is one of my BFF!! LYLAS!!! ROFL!
So I had to get right to the source. I texted the Kevin Cash and totally threw some cute pics and some emoticons his way (Ex: "Here is a ttly cute pic of me. Hit me back yo! LOL! ;-)) In subsequent texts, the horrifying truth came out!!! Apparently the Kevin Cash lost a bet with the Jason Varitek (the Sox starting catcher for all you other reader peeps) that I cannot discuss the details of in this blog, suffice to say that BOTH the Kevin Cash and the Tek should be very, very ashamed of themselves, and they are lucky they are not suspended from the planet. They both did dirty, dirty things reader peeps!! Yikes!!!
So Tim, the answer to your question is that the Kevin Cash wears his hat the wrong way because he is a giant douche who does gross things in the clubhouse. Please do not ask the Pants to comment further!!! Please tell Kelli with an "I" and Harli that I expect flirtinis and some good H-town gossip at the end of the month. Also, do I have to bring Jessica, or can just the Big Guy and me come?? Please??? Look how cute I am!
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