LAURA HOLY CRAP LAURA!!!!

I apologize for the pseudo-profanity title reader peeps, but this weekend was crazy times!!!  I mean, crazier than Lindsey Graham after an Obama speech crazy!!!  Where to begin!!

This past Saturday I woke up after a night of sleeping with Jessica and the Big Guy and stretched out next to the bed.  I had low hopes for the day since I fully expected them both to sleep ALL DAY!! (Seriously, no human persons like sleep as much as Jessica and the Big Guy.  I mean, I LOVE sleep....but those two love it on a whole different level.  It's like...well, you know how some gay people like pretending to be straight and then there is Tom Cruise who LOVES to pretend to be straight?  Well that's them with sleep. I mean, no wonder they can't keep a job!)  

But lo and behold, got up right after I did...which obviously freaked me out.  I quickly checked the calendar to make sure it was Saturday.  When this type of freaky Halley's Comet-type behavior occurs it usually means that (a) they are going to that stupid place they call "work" and are taking me to Karen and Luke's (yay!); (b) they are going to stupid "work" and are going to leave me at home or take me to the Ford's house which is TERRIFYING without Karen and Luke there (blah!) or (c) they are leaving on a trip and are going to leave me behind (double blah!).

"Man it's fun on vacation without the Pants! Suck it Clancy!"

NOT COOL GUYS!!!!

To add to my nervousness, I watched Jessica randomly pack a big bag...they were going on a trip!!! Oh no!  To combat this I quickly devised a plan, McGruber-style - I followed the Big Guy from room to room all morning. I figured that if I stayed within 2 feet of him at all times he couldn't leave!  The plan was flawless...or so I thought.  Everything was cool until I leaned back to scratch myself, turned around...AND HE WAS GONE!!! Oh no!!!  What was the Pants to do??

Oh wait, he just went to the bathroom.  Oh stinky Big Guy!! :-(

But then the Big Guy packed up some of my stuff and we BOTH jumped into the Prius!  Oh Joy!  A few minutes later, we parked in front of a house...and I realized..IT WAS LAURA'S House!! Okay, it's Laura and Paul and Samantha's house, but it's quicker to say Laura.  Oh joy of joys with whipped cream on top!! I sprinted in and within 5 seconds both Laura and Samantha were rubbing my belly!!  The Big Guy said something, but let's face it, I didn't really care...I was at LAURA'S!!

For 12 hours it was heaven! I played with my peeps, went for walks, got treats and totally posed for some sweet pics for Laura.

"Can I make love to the camera or what??"

Around 8:30 everything was going along awesomely!  I was regaling Laura and Paul with stories of how stupid and smelly Jessica and the Big Guy can be when there was a knock on the door.  I leapt to my feet with excitement!! Who could it be??!! My mind raced!!  MM?? Luke Ford?? Jack?? Sunny?? Air Bud??  Jimmy McNaulty??  NO!  It was these two:

Above: Two ways to spell "D-I-S-S-A-P-P-O-I-N-T-M-E-N-T"

First of all, I quickly learned that not only was it NOT Air Bud, but my owners had been AT THE LAKE ALL DAY ON SUNNY'S BOAT AND THEY DID NOT INVITE ME!!!  I quickly took Tico's advice and began my deep breaths so as not to completely FREAK OUT!  As my loyal reader peeps remember, my one day on the boat last summer with Sunny (which is like 7 summers ago for the Pants) was only the greatest day of my life.  Thanks for the invite losers.

Luckily, the Big Guy and Jessica must have swallowed some lakewater because instead of being lame, they wanted to hang out with Laura and Paul and party!  So we all had some wine, gathered round, and totally hung out!  Mozart tried to hump me a bunch!  Coco told stories about the good old days...and Tico showed me some youtube clips that were totally NC-17!! I saw things that can't be unseen!! Oh Tico...you scoundrel! LOL!

All in all a good night was had.  We went home, watched some boob tube and hit the sack.  Sometimes Jessica and the Big Guy don't completely suck (though you're both on notice - next time I get to go on the boat!!!)

Heaven.

I hate to say I told you so. . . (just kidding, I love it!)

It turns out my pal Sugar is now on my side in the whole "sibling" debate of 2009!!!  Way to step up to reality Sugar!!!  Better late than never!!  She writes:

Dear Clancy,

In reading your blog, I have noticed that we have so many things in common.  One:  Neither of us wanted a new canine sibling.  Two:  We both love trash parties.  And Three (and most important for purposes of this communication), we both chase rodents.  I write to share with you--a fellow rodent-hunter--the details of my most recent victory.  First, some background.  As you know, the House of Gitmo has been plagued with rodents in the past.  My mom paid some idiot a bunch of money to come out and exterminate them.  He was worthless.  Not only did he exclude me the hunt, he didn't even allow me the pleasure of lolling around on top of their dead bodies to fully impregnate my fur with their rodentlicious smell.  But I digress.  The rodents returned.  In a gracious effort to teach my new little brother how to REALLY hunt rodents, I demonstrated by capturing this little guy in our backyard:
I pounced upon him and, once stunned, I proceeded to demonstrate to Emmett (the despised younger brother) how one should toy with one's prey for as long as possible in order to savor the victory.  FOILED!  My mom saw me and came to take the rodent away.  Probably because stupid Emmett was spinning around in circles and barking like an idiot. 

"Hello, I'm Emmett, aren't I handsome??  Look at me!!  La la la!!!"

Anyway, I knew I should've taken the rodent somewhere safe that she never goes (like the gym?) . . . But I was too proud.  So that is my lesson to you, Clancy.  I suspect the day when you catch a squirrel is not far off.  And when that blessed day comes, do not make the mistakes I have made.   Be sly, not proud.  Share your victory with NO ONE until the last breath leaves the evil rodent's body.  Until next time, Clancy.  Until next time.

Sugar Montano 
c/o Marilyn Montano 

I am so lame!!!

I have not been blogging and it is KILLING the Pants!!!  I shall return with a vengeance after being requested to do so by both my homegirl MM and my H-town peep Nancy. (What up sista???)  The short, short version of my last month:

- Jessica and the Big Guy got these contract jobs together.  The poor Big Guy has to spend ALL DAY with Jessica!!  I've been snuggling with him a lot more than normal these days, because all day with Jessica is TERRIBLE!! Oh poor Big Guy!

- Three days a week though I get to go spend the day with Karen, Luke and Baby Abby! The Fords!!!  They are so awesome they deserve multiple posts.  Luke is totally my new little bro, Baby Abby smells funny, and Karen is the cat's meow! 

- The Big Guy pulled down half the tree in the front year the other day, and when he did he totally fell on his back like he was in a cartoon.  Oh Big Guy!!

- I have been to the dog park multiple times and even got thrown in Town Lake!!  

- Yesterday, I was forced to watch "The Lady in the Water", or, as I like to call it, "The Two-Hour Turd".  It was the worst movie I've ever seen...and yes, it will be reviewed.

I'll be back soon with long posts that will make you laugh, make you cry and hopefully will make one of you kidnap Jessica to live with you.  (she was out of town last month...oh rapture!) Love you reader peeps!