Horrible and Terrifying Pumpkin Carving

I'm so sorry for the delay in this post loyal readers!! You see, all the dogs in my hood take turns on the neighborhood watch, and this week, it was my turn! Basically, this duty entails keeping my ears posted for suspicious activity, and then running to the front window and barking my head off. I am very, very good at this. When I first came to live with Jessica, I never barked, never! I was too suspicious of Jessica (rightly so!) and her motives. I just kept my mouth shut and sat on the couch. But once the Big Guy came into the picture, I totally felt more comfortable and able to express myself!! So, I did!! Of course, Jessica is too stupid to see the danger lurking out the window. She's always saying, "Pants, what are you barking at? I don't see anything!!! I give her this look . . .
Anyway, back to the point of this post - Pumpkins!!!! The other weekend Jessica and the Big Guy had my favoritist person, Cafferty, over to the house to drink wine, carve pumpkins, watch football, and pet the Pants!! I was so excited to see the Cafferty!!! I even have a look that we call "the Cafferty"! It looks something like this, but it is rarely seen and difficult to capture on film. Basically, I try to entice her into petting me by contorting my body and making cute faces!Cafferty doesn't warm up to dogs very much, but she loves the Pants. She even touched me the other day!!! I was so excited!!! But how could she resist when I was looking so cute in my ND shirt! Go Irish!!!
So, the Pants was super excited all day. That morning, Jessica and the Big Guy took me to this totally awesome place called a "pumpkin patch." It is truly magical! The pumpkin patch is full of hay and pumpkins and small human peeps who love to pet the Pants!! It was awesome!! They bought some pumpkins and some "decorative gourds", whatever those are - great idea Jessica!! Seriously, you are brilliant!!! And totally don't waste money!!

After the magic of the pumpkin patch, we headed to the HEB!!!! There, everything is better!! It has always been a dream of mine to go inside the HEB, and on this day I came as close as I ever have! It is the most wondrous place on earth! It is full of human persons who bring out carts laden with food and deliciousness that the Pants only can dream about!! OMG!!! Heaven!!! Apparently, there is some sort of stupid "rule" that dogs cannot go in the HEB. Well, the Pants isn't just any dog, and I should totally be allowed into the HEB. I began working on the employees of the HEB by chillin' outside the store and displaying my cuteness with Jessica while the Big Guy went inside. There was this awesome group of older human peeps who rode on a bus to the HEB to do their shopping. I have never encountered these older peeps before. Let me tell you, they are awesome!!! Talk about belly rubs and attention!!! Pants likey!!!

After the joy of HEB, we went home, Cafferty (yay!!) came over, and this pumpkin carving began. And let me tell you - pumpkin carving is HORRIFYING!!! Good Lord!! There are knives - some of them make a lot of noise - and Jessica, Cafferty, and the Big Guy cut the poor pumpkins open with these knives!! Then, they pulled out their insides!!! I was so scared - the Big Guy was a serial pumpkin killer!! Jessica even kept some of their innards, she called them "seeds" and cooked them! She and the Big Guy totally ate them! They are cannibals!! And to make it worse, after they ripped out and ate the pumpkin innards, they cut the pumpkins and put faces on them! WHAT?! The Pants was so confused, I did the only logical thing - I hid under the bed! I thought I was next since I'm kind of orange too!!! Then the Big Guy explained to me that pumpkins are just fruits or vegetables or something and that it was totally okay to eat them and cut out faces on them. Um, okay Big Guy, the Pants wouldn't call that "fun", but to each his own! He and Jessica did tell me they would never do that to the Pants (which was nice), but I'm still going under the bed if they start "carving" (that's a nice way to put what they did to those poor, innocent pumpkins) again. Egad!!

I must say that the Big Guy's and Cafferty's pumpkins were much better than Jessica's! This is the Cafferty's - so cute!! Just like her!

This is the Big Guy's - he made a nerd pumpkin - LOL Big Guy!

This is Jessica's.

As the Pants was clearly disturbed and hiding under the bed, you would think that Jessica would let the Pants be, but noooo!! She dragged me outside to see all the pumpkins!

Then, they lit them on fire! Good Lord! I had nightmares all night!! But, thankfully, Jessica showed me the pumpkins during the day, and they were much less scary! They were actually kind of funny and silly looking - kind of like Frito Guy!!Jessica can be okay sometimes!! Just don't tell her I said so!