Anyway, as posted below, I was very very ill on Friday. I was ill all over the house. But, mainly I was ill in the guest room. However, no one told the Pants that we were having guests this weekend, much less that the guests would include one of my favorite humans, Tim! This is Tim!
Or that it would include one of my new favorite humans, Kelli! Or, most importantly, that it would include one of my favorite dog peeps and loyal reader, Harli!!! If the Pants knew this, I would have directed my poops to Jessica's bed. Specifically, Jessica's side of the bed. Preferably, under Jessica's pillow!! Anyway, after Jessica cleaned up the mess, I learned that all of these fabulous visitors were coming to stay the night. Oh man!!! I was so excited I could hardly contain myself!! This would be MY first guest at the new house. I hosted my cousin Moe at my old crib, but Harli would be my first peep at the House of Payne!!! So exciting, and so much to do!!! Okay, I really didn't do much, but I did keep watch for the visitors, and sure enough, soon Tim was at the window!!!!!! Again, this is Tim!
He totally scared the Big Guy, but I just laughed and laughed!! I'm sure you can see why, I mean, Hello, Men Cooking!!! DANGER!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!! That Tim is such a card!!! LOL!!! He totally gets me ROTFL!!!!!! AR! (Acronyms Rule!) Anyway, I greeted my buddy Harli with a friendly bark, and we sniffed each other and caught up on old times. Harli and I first met at Frito Guy's New Year's Eve party!!!! (Where I was made to wear this embarrassing headwear)
And we totally hit it off!! Harli is much larger and faster than the Pants. She also has teeth of steel!! She totally ate the Pants's new Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Toy on New Year's!! But that is okay. I just stayed away from her teeth!!!! Harli came in and we ran around and she played with my Garfield toy and I showed her where I had pooped in the house, and she gave me a high five and was like "Way to go!!! I totally LOVE the smell of POOP! Tim and Kelli can deal with it!!" I thought Harli was being a bit harsh, since the Pants loves the Tim and Kelli, but I soon found out that Harli had her reasons!
Jessica, the Big Guy, Tim, and Kelli were all heading out Friday night to a happening club!!! But I was cool with that because that I meant Harli and I would be left alone to crack open a bottle of Chardonnay, or make ourselves some flirtinis, and talk about cute boys and catch up!!! I was so excited that, had I any poop left, I totally would have pooped on the floor again!!! But, as they were getting ready to leave, Tim and Kelli did something horrible!!! They totally put Harli in a CAGE!!! They imprisoned the Harli for no reason! I mean, she is big and kind of clumsy, but you can't fault her for that!!! That is no reason for prison!!! UNJUST!!! UNFAIR!!! The Pants was NOT AMUSED!!! I gave them a good glare when they left. They knew how unhappy I was!! I'm positive that my protest was noticed, and possibly ruined their evening!! So, there I was, and Harli was in jail. I did my best to console her, but apparently, jail makes you tired, because all she wanted to do was sleep. Or maybe its because there is no room for the Harli to spread out and relax because it is PRISON!!!! Whatevs! They finally came home, let Harli out (I guess she did her time) and we got to play and cavort a bit more!!! Then, it was bed time. Harli went into bed with her peeps and I went with mine. But, she and I had totally planned on sneaking off later and drinking those flirtinis!!!! But low and behold, at 6:00 am - our appointed meeting time - I noticed that I TOO HAD BEEN UNJUSTLY IMPRISONED!!! I was imprisoned in the room with Jessica and the Big Guy!!! This was unacceptable!! A prisoner, in my own home!! I knew this was Jessica's fault, so I poked at her and whined, and scratched, but she had the nerve to say "NO!" to the Pants! Choice words will be doled out later.
So, FINALLY, I was set free, and Harli was set free as well!!!! I was still very mad about all of the injustice I had witnessed in my home, until the Big Guy and the Tim decided that we were going to go to Barton Springs and go swimming!!!! Oh, this was heaven for the Pants!! I love nothing more than swimming and then rolling in dirt!!! That way, the dirt gets in your fur really really good and your owners get mad and frustrated. (Poop on you Jessica!) So we all went to the Springs and Harli and I had the bestest time!!! Man, that Harli can swim!!! She is a regular female equivalent of Michael Phelps!!! (That is the only swimmer the Pants knows)!! And, we totally were getting admired by children and other older peeps as we were waiting to get into the water!!!! One time I had four kids petting me at once!!! It was soooo fun!!! Until, when the kids were leaving, one of them yelled "LATER MUTT!" Once again, the Pants's mind reeled with this slur!! The injustices were flying everywhere this weekend!!! And on what was supposed to be such a fun, enjoyable weekend for the Pants! I know I am a Mutt, but it is NOT COOL for a human to call me that. Only my other dog peeps can call me that!!! I was so mad, but Harli was able to talk me down and we totally cooled off in the water!!!! Good times!
So, then Tim and Kelli and Harli had to leave. I was totally going to say goodbye, but was too distracted with looking cute and prancing around!! I will catch them on the flipside!!!! Shout out to Harli!!! You are welcome anytime!!!! But, bring your own Garfield.
You may think this was enough excitement for the Pants, but there is more!!!!! We got home from giving me a bath (HATE! Although I do look and smell cute after!) and Jessica and the Big Guy announced that we were going to see Karen and Carl at their house of fun!!! That meant that I got to play with my favorite mini-human peep - LUKE!!!! Luke does not say much, he mostly follows the Pants around and says "dog" and points!!! It is very cute though, and he did not say "mutt", so the Pants doesn't mind! So, I was totally excited when we got to their house!! Jessica put my water dish up on the counter since Luke totally loves to play in my water!!! (We are so alike!) But stupid her, she didn't realize that Luke could totally reach the water!!!! LOL!!! He totally pulled the water down and it went everywhere!!! Then, he slipped and fell in the water!!! LOL!!!! It was totally like a movie!!! Good times!!!! But Karma caught up to the Pants later when I totally slipped and fell walking up the stairs!! But their are no hard feelings between me and the mini-peep! We are totally cool!
So, yesterday, I got some much needed sleep, and tomorrow, I am off to TAURUS!!! So, I will be offline for a bit. Thanks for tuning in peeps!!! Pants Out!
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