Give the Pants an Oscar...

for continuing my Oscar post from last week (it has been a busy neighborhood watch week Reader Peeps!). Now without further ado (because let's face it, there has been too much ado recently) let's get to the broadcast.

Hugh Jackman opened the night by dancing around all super-hot-for-a-human-person like! Talk about bringing sexy back! Wowsas!!

Hey Oscars! Don't make Hugh be some sort of weird crossbar in your silly Oscar field goal competition! He's Wolverine for goodness sake!!

Needless to say, my main man Hugh totally rocked the hizzy!  Some of his friends came out on stage to help him through his big opening number.

Hugh is one material girl!

Then, my girl Beyonce (who I chill with whenevs I go to H-Town) came out on stage. I love her and all, but she totally dances like she has the epilepsy.

Maybe this top hat will protect me from the blinking lights!

Then it was time for awards galore!!  For the acting ones, they did this weird thing where 5 former winners came out to present the award and each talked about one of the nominees. It wasn't "Scarlett Johannsen coming out of the balcony" weird, but it was pretty weird.

"We were all so much better than you nominees are...well, except for little Halle on the end there of course, bless her heart."

Penelope Cruz won for "Vicky Christina Barcelona!"  I didn't see it because Woody Allen is old and creepy and stopped making good movies before the Pants was born.  However, good for her. Viva La Espana!

"It's true, Tom only got aroused sexually when I wore a L. Ron Hubbard mask. Or when I ordered one of his favorite male prostitutes."

Two of my favorite people came out to present an award! Tina Fey and Steve Martin! Hilarity!

"Why don't you let me get that booger for you?"

When they started handing out Oscars to random asian guys, I went and refilled my flirtini glass.

Hey asian guy, when does Rush Hour 4 come out???

Then stupid "Man on Wire" won despite it being the most boring movie ever.  That French guy sucks.

Don't just watch him! Grab the Oscar and stab him!!!

Then Ben Stiller came out and set a personal record by being funny more than once in the same calendar year!

More like "V for Va-Va-Voom!" I heart you Natalie!

The best actor award went to Sean Penn.  Once again, Air Bud was denied!!!  Oh Air Bud, when will the Academy give you your due!

"The color black and gay people both RULE!"

Then in the biggest surprise of the night, South Park's "Timmy" won for Best Director!  He was undercover however, and went by the code name "Danny".

"DANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY!!!!"

"TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kudos to you Timmy!! Then it was time for Best Picture. And the winner is...Slumdog!!!  Man, if you thought there were a lot of defections when the Cuban baseball team came to America, you haven't seen anything yet.  Congrats to the cast and crew, and good luck staying in the country!!!

"Angelina, will you adopt us??"