Oscar Night...The Red Carpet!!!

Well take me to Petco and spank me senseless!!! What a weekend!!!  Reader Peeps, my deepest apologies for the delay in getting my Oscar posts up (yes, there is more than one - The Pants LOVES the Oscars!!), but oh what a night!! The star power!!! The brilliant performances!!! Miley Cyrus dressed like a stegosaurus!!

ROAR!

"Hi there, I'm the real Mr. Cyrus. Where's my seat?"

Jessica, the Big Guy and Grandpa Jim went to the Alamo Drafthouse to watch the Oscars, leaving the Pants alone to check it out by myself!  Normally I would have been annoyed, but I do enjoy watching award shows by myself so I can focus on the glamour and festivities!  So I mixed myself some flirtinis, dragged the bag of greenies over and hit "record" on the DVR in case something was so awesome the Pants needed to rewind and check it out again. (And by "something" I of course mean "Hugh Jackman!" Va-Va-Voom!!  Mr. Jackman, you can rub the Pants' belly ANYTIME. ;-))

Thusly prepared, I hit play to watch the stars come down the red carpet! The stars were so bright, the Pants needed to wear shades!!  LOL!! First up, Viola Davis from Doubt, a movie about nuns being mean and priests being naughty.  Did he or didn't he? I don't know!! So much DOUBT!!

"Did you know you can get nominated for an Oscar even if you're onscreen for less time than it took for this duo to get sent home on the Amazing Race? It's true!"

"This hill be tall"

"I know woman, I'm busy carryin' your dumb ass up it"

Another supporting actress who I love!!! Isla Fisher!!!  She was in Doubt and her character loved Frosty the Snowman!

"For the last time I am NOT Isla Fisher!! I'm AMY FREAKING ADAMS!! I'M UP FOR A FREAKING OSCAR!!! GET IT RIGHT!!! SON OF A..."

"My bad."  I loved you in "Definitely, Maybe" though.

Josh Brolin and Diane Lane!!! I always forget you guys are married!!!

"I still can't believe I didn't get nominated for Nights in Rodanthe!"

"I can."

Then it was on to Robert Downey Jr. I heart him!!  

"Don't touch me bitch."

Hey, it's sucky Zac Efron!  Star of sucky High School Musical!

Totally gay.

Oh look, it's Zac's beard....er...."girlfriend", Vanessa Hudgens

Sorry Vanessa, all the naked pictures in the world can't un-gay this one.

Danny Glover! Why in the world are you there? When is Lethal Weapon 5 coming out??

"How's it going? Who's this white woman? Where the hell am I?"

My main man Philip Seymour Hoffman! He was awesome in Doubt!! There is NOBODY on earth who can not give a crap like SeyHoff can - he's the best! Drop something funny on me SeyHoff!

"I may or may not have pooped myself."

Good one SeyHoff!! LYLAS!  Hey, it's Octo woman...er, Angelina Jolie. She was nominated for "Changeling" where she had her kid stolen.  It's funny because she now has so many kids that she probably wouldn't even notice if one was gone until her assistant brought her the Amber Alert.  (and then it's only 50/50. She's kind of weird.)  Hey Angie, don't you have a man to steal or something?

(sniff) (sniff) "Is it just me or do I smell an ethnic baby close by??"

Oh God. Mario Lopez.

Go. Away.

NOBODY is crazier than Mickey Rourke...sorry about your dog Mickey, word on the streets is he was a good dude.  How's Mickey doing tonight?

"Mmmmhmmmm....I sure do like to eat glasses and french fried potaters. Mmmmm."

But my guess the night is going to belong to Slumdog Millionaire!!  The Pants LOVED this movie!!! It's proof that even some human persons like poop as much as the Pants!!  So I was happy to see Dev Patel and Frieda Pinto roll down the carpet.

"Frieda, I love you and all, but I'm worried I'll never get that "India" smell off of you."

And finally the Slumdog kids!

"Could you explain again why we can't just poop on the street like we do back home?"

Now on to the awards....