Last night was crazy at my house!! I was minding my own business, laying on the bed when the Big Guy told me it was time to go out. So I'm just thinking "about time Big Guy!". I mean seriously. The Pants is not a camel!
But instead of just putting on my leash and taking me out, he gets his baseball bat first - i was all about to tell him that it was NOT ME who got in the trash, but then Jessica got a flashlight and went outside with us in her underwear. Her underwear and nothing else!! LOL right?? Well, I would have totally been laughing super hard, except I was worried that if I didn't pee fast enough the Big Guy might try and speed me up with the bat. That bat was not small reader peeps. It was way bigger than the Pants!! So then they started looking on the roof because something had been making noise and scratching at the door. I was like "hey guys! If there's something scary outside don't get the Pants involved!" I mean, i'm fierce and all, but I only weigh like 22 lbs and have like 4 teeth. I'm not sure what they expected me to do. But we went all around the house in the dark looking for some sort of monster- super scary times!!! They didn't find anything though, which makes me think it was something fast and really, really scary...like a Dementor (yeah, I love Harry Potter - who doesn't? LOL!) or maybe Rick Perry - his hair scares the Pants! I hope the Dementors and Rick Perry don't come back tonight.
You might think that was enough thrills and chills for one night, but no!! Keep reading at your own peril! We get back inside to go to bed and I'm not going to lie to you reader peeps, I was still having serious adrenaline going on....when all of a sudden this HUGE bug starts flying around the room and hitting walls and making crazy noises!!! It could have picked up the Pants...okay, maybe not, but it was HUGE! The Big Guy started hitting at it with a shoe and that's when I helped out the best way I could - I hid under the bed. There are 3 things that makes the Pants go under the bed - when I'm in trouble for getting in the trash, when there is thuder outside, and when things are attacking! Just those three things! Oh, and also when there are fireworks. And rain. And when my owners are doing things they shouldn't be doing until marriage.....okay, I go under the bed a lot. But it's NOT because I'm scared, it's just because I enjoy safety very much! And as studies show, there is no place safer in the world than under a bed. (During the cold war, people thought it was under a desk, but that's so stupid! A bed has way more protection!) So I got under there and didn't come out for like 15 minutes.
So tonight if anyone sees any Dementors (or freaky Rick Perry) on our roof tonight call the cops!! If you need me, I'll be under the bed.
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