Dear Pants,
Do you still take reader questions? Technically, I'm not a "reader" per se, but my mommy reads your blog to me as I swoon over your beauty and general gloriousness. ;-)
Hey, how did you know it was EMMETT?!?!
Anyway, rumor at the dog park is that you might be getting a sister. I have a sister. Her name is Sugar and--trust me on this one, Pants--sisters are the bomb dog-gity! Here are 5 reasons why:
1. You can have a trash party and there's a 50/50 pants your parents will blame your sister instead of you.
2. You can eat your own food and then eat your sister's food. More food in the belly = happy dog.
3. Humans are SO lazy! But sisters are always willing to play with you.
4. Having a sister means more $$ your parents have to spend on doggy stuff. And that means less $$ to spend on going out to eat or going to bars. READ: More time doing free stuff with us - yay!
5. The number 5 (and best) thing about having a sister is how super duper cute you look in pictures next to a twin! Trust me, I'm pretty cute but I'm even cuter (yes, I know, hard to believe but TRUE!) when standing next to somebody who looks like you.
Anyway, I'm super stoked you're getting a sister. Let me know if you two want to have a play date because EMMETT LOVES TWINS!
Dear Emmett,
First of all, the Pants would like to thank you for your continued patronage and incessant flattery! The Pants loves flattery! So - points to you for that!! However, I feel that I would have to DISAGREE with you that having a sister is the "bomb dog-gity". I believe had your big sister Sugar been the one to write me, she might have a very different opinion. Or maybe not, she might be more tolerant and giving than the Pants! In fact, I know she is! She is loving and kind and wonderful! She is even nice to Jessica! While admirable traits all, kindness and lovingness are not the way to get ahead in life. Sorry Sugar!!! You are too sweet! LOL!!
Sugar, you should change your name to Sucker!
So, I'm going to give you my top 5 reasons why sisters suck! Down with sisters!! Here goes:
1. I know how to handle myself at a trash party. I don't need any help there. I'm so cute that no one can get seriously mad at me for indulging in the occasional trash party!! Plus, if I had a sister, I would have to SHARE THE SPOILS!!! The Pants HATES sharing!! So, consider your first point REFUTED!
2. What if she eats my food!!! I am a vegetarian and require a very strict diet - I can't deal with a yappy little dog trying to cramp my eating style! Come on Sugar, think, that is a bad point!
3. Ok, I'll give you this one, it might be fun to have a playmate. Jessica and the Big Guy, and particularly Jessica, are very lazy, and I've always enjoyed play dates. But, the key to that is that the playmates always LEAVE! I get the run of all the couches and beds and windows in the house, and I like my personal space. If this "sister" could come over and play and then leave, the Pants would probably be cool with that!
4. More money and time to spend on the Pants is a great idea!! Take out the word "us" from your sentence and replace it with "me" and you've got another good point!
5. TWINS!!! Are you crazy!!! No one, and I mean no one, can hold a candle to the Pants!!! I mean, this might be considered cute by some:
MEH.
I mean, she's ok, and in another house, she might be the cutest thing, but not in my house Emmett!!! I am the cutest, and the sweetest, and I'm PANTS!!!
So, I will give the sister thing a shot if it is forced upon me, but I will not make it easy for this new dog. She will have to earn my respect. Plus, I've heard rumblings that the idea to bring this new dog into our house is being spearheaded by the Big Guy. NOT COOL BIG GUY! If there is truth to this rumor, you and I will have WORDS! STRONG WORDS! That leads me to the number 6 reason to not get a little sister - it might bring Jessica and I closer!! And I for one DO NOT want that!
Emmett, I still love you, your naivete is cute, and would love to have a play date with you and Sugar, but get back to me when your mom brings another sister into your house!! See how you feel then and get back to me!!!
LYLAS (note, it's love you "like" a sister, not an actual sister),
PANTS
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