Sex and the City Movie

Good morning peeps!! I saw the Sex and the City Movie last weekend and have been meaning to give my review. I was going to do it last night, but I got in a bit of trouble (more on that later), so suffice it to say, I was not in the mood to be on the computer blogging!

But, now I am, so here we go!! First, I would like to say that I love the Sex and the City!!! I loved watching the DVD's with the Big Guy, he had not seen it all on HBO, and neither had I, so it was a great bonding time!! We laughed and laughed over their silly clothes and randy ways! And - I will never forget the PUNS! So, I was very excited to see the movie and catch up with my girls - Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha!

The movie starts off four years later and all my girls are doing well! Carrie and Big are about to move in together and can I just say, Holy Spray Tan Mr. Big!!! Jeez - lay off the stuff - it does not make you look younger - just more orange!! Yikes!! The Pants was very scared by this orange monster appearing on the screen, but then the Big Guy told me who it was and I calmed down!!! Miranda and Steve are living in Brooklyn, with Brady, whose last name I am thinking must be Brady, so his name is Brady Brady, and that really bothers the Pants!!! But, he is a very stupid kid for someone who is supposed to be five, so I guess maybe calling him Brady Brady helps him remember his name! Charlotte and Harry have their adopted daughter Lily, who is also quite stupid, and as someone who was adopted myself, I know that being adopted doesn't make one stupid - maybe it is because they just let her sit around, and play with her hair, and color her stupid princess coloring books. I don't know! This also annoys the Pants. Finally, Samantha is living in L.A. with Smith, who plays like a doctor on T.V. or something - this whole plot line annoyed the crap out of me! Plus, watching 50 year old Samantha lust after her neighbor, who shows us his cock and balls by the way, was really kind of disturbing to watch - on many levels, not the least of which was the aforementioned cock and balls. Now, I know that Sex and the City is supposed to objectify men in some way, yada, yada, but seriously, I think maybe the reason we don't see many cock and balls in movies is because NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THE COCK AND BALLS! They are gross and not very attractive. The Pants had to put down her reese's pieces during that scene. Very uncomfortable. Plus, as a Scientologist, I am pretty sure looking at cock and balls is against my religion.

Anyway, Carrie and Mr. Big decide to get married, but he runs away when he sees her in that hideous bird hair piece thing she is wearing. Now, I can't say I blame the Mr. Big for this, the Pants was immediately on edge and went in to stalking mode when the bird appeared on screen, but again, the Big Guy explained that it was just her head piece and I sat down. So, he runs away, and as I said, good move, but then changes his mind, but she is already HUMILIATED, so she has to go to Mexico with her girls!!! Jessica and the Big Guy are going to Mexico for their honeymoon as well, so they were all, "oh, Mexico, it's going to be so fun, etc." well - bite me says the Pants. I am going to be staying in Plano with grandpa - how exotic!!! Anyway, Mexico is great, especially when Charlotte poops her pants!! This was hilarious!! And it made her so much more relatable as a character!! I mean, if I wore pants, I would certainly poop in them a lot, as it is, I have to be taken outside when the urge strikes, so I totally understand Charlotte, and now I like her!! Plus she is pretty, and I think she would make a much better dog owner than Jessica!

Also, Steve cheated on Miranda because she doesn't wax her va jay jay or something. I don't know, this was all so absurd to the Pants. Steve would never cheat on Miranda!!! He worships her!!! He is her bitch!!! And someone's bitch can't cheat on the bitch master, it is like a rule of the universe, the Pants knows this, the writers of the Sex and the City movie clearly, do not!

Anyway, the girls come back from Mexico, and Carrie redoes her apartment, hires an assistant who designs her a website and is looking for LOVE ("GAG"), and eventually figures out that she let the wedding get "bigger than BIG"! PUNS!!!! Meanwhile, Charlotte gets knocked up and has another baby girl, which prompts Harry to say, "we have a Lily and a Rose!" Congrats Harry!! What are you opening a retirement village or soemthing!! Let me call up Dorothy, Blanche and Sophia and we'll have a kick ass party at your place!

Anyway, it all winds up neatly, and the girls are back together in the City. It was kind of fluffy and pointless, but still fairly enjoyable, if only because it reminds the Pants of her girls and flirting with cute boys! So, the Pants gives the Sex and the City Movie Three Paws!!!

Dog of the Day

Well, I am going to use this post to brag about myself a little (or a lot)! I have finally been named Dog of the Day at Taurus, my most favorite place in the world! http://www.taurusdogtraining.com/Framework/DOTD/DogOfTheDayDejaVuForm.php

I agree with pretty much everything they say about me, except for the part about the scruffy coat!!! The Pants is incredibly well groomed. That is one thing that I will say nice about Jessica, she brushes the Pants, removes stickers from the Pants's coat, and takes the Pants to get baths even when I don't want to!

Many of you may be wondering how I keep myself looking so adorable! Alas, I will not share my beauty secrets, oh, alright, I will!!! I begin each morning with a half a cup of dogfood, Nature's Recipe Vegetarian, http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2750329, I have very bad allergies and this food keeps me full, without hurting my ears, or my waistline!! I also take one Pet Tab vitamin a day! Very good for you! Then, it is outside for a quick trip to the bathroom. After Jessica and the Big Guy go to work, I usually nap and keep a watch on the neighborhood until my dogwalker Laura, (Yes, I am a snob with a dogwalker, LOL!!) comes to take me out for my daily fitness!! We walk and she plays with me, I love her - I wish she was my female owner! But, alas, I am stuck with Jessica. Then, I nap some more, or if fortune is smiling on the Pants, the Big Guy will have forgotten to take out the trash, and I can break in and have a TRASH PARTY! I cannot tell you how much good a trash party does for your skin and coat!!! BRILLS!!!!! However, if I have had a trash party, when Jessica and the Big Guy get home, I get scolded. (Although I am so cute that they really don't mean it, and I think they get a kick out of my "i'm sorry" routine)! If I don't have a trash party, they take me out again, and I get another 1/2 cup of food! This is the perfect amount for the Pants! Then I nap and play, go out again, and sleep the night away in bed with the big guy (if Jessica is not there) or in my bed (if she is there)! The Big Guy and I have cuddle time when she leaves for work in the morning!!

So, that, along with some regular brushing, is how the Pants stays looking so cute!!! That's all for now!! It's getting near time for someone to come home, and I am going to attempt to put the trash from the trash party away before they get home!! (Jessica is so stupid - she can never find where I hide it!) I will be back for more later!! Have fun playing chase like I do with my peeps and dogs at Taurus!!!

Sickness and ObamaRama

I'm typing this under the bed because Jessica is home with the Sick!! She's been sick for like a week and she made the Big Guy sick too!! This is not cool. All day she just lays around and sleeps and coughs and whines about how crappy she feels. Well, it's no picnic for the Pants either. I have to leave the room to not get breathed on! But then she will call me in where she is so that she can pet me. Umm...Pants don't play that.

I seriously think I just saw a germ the size of a roach float by. NOT COOL!!!

On the plus side, I am pretty pumped about Obama getting the nomination. Pants loves the Obama!! I am an independent, but I am totally onboard the Obama train. I keep telling everyone it's an OBAMANATION, but Jessica pretends she came up with it. She is so freaking lame!! Did I mention she's sick and smells weird??? That too. So this Obama guy is awesome with his fist bumping and his crazy preacher. THAT guy is Pants' most favorite person in the world!! I would love for him to rub my belly and drop some crazy on me. I could just sit there while he rubbed my belly and said things like "Pants, the chickens are coming home to roost because the white people rub money cologne on them and it smells like toothpaste!" LOL!! I'm going to ask the Big Guy if that guy can live with us in our guest bedroom. I bet he'll think it's a good idea, but then he'll ask Jessica and she'll cough and say something like "can you rub my head? it hurts." The Big Guy falls for it too. Come on Big Guy, wise up!

The West Wing

It is raining outside, so I am very terrified as I type this. I have brought my laptop under the bed in order to be fully protected from the rain and thuder. I hate thuder most of all! And yes, I have a laptop, the big guy and I both have laptops, do you know who doesn't have a laptop - Jessica!!! LOL!!!! It is so fun when the big guy and I are on our laptops and she has nothing to do but laundry!!!! LOL!!!!! She is so stupid she probably couldn't even work a laptop!! I can't believe she went to college, I mean she didn't go to UTEP, but she did get a degree - give me a break!!

Anyway, sorry for the tangent (the Pants has an outstanding vocabulary)! I have recently begun watching the first season of this show The West Wing on DVD. Well, Jessica and the Big Guy are watching it, so I get to enjoy it as well, I sit with the Big Guy and pretend Jessica doesn't exist! Very fun!!

This show is fascinating to the Pants. Everyone is so busy and running around and never getting any sleep. I don't understand how they do it! The Pants must sleep at least 18 hours a day or I am useless! Martin Sheen is the President of the United States (he has millions of peaches, peaches for me! LOL!) and he is a very good President and has to make very difficult decisions. Last night he got in a fight with the First Lady, (I initially typed "First Lay," which would work as well) and his daughter is getting death threats for dating a black man and Josh had to debate a potential nominee about reparations for slavery and Sam had to debate this woman who the Pants finds very annoying about school vouchers and Toby had to debate this other woman that the Pants HATES about Pandas!!!!! It is so difficult to follow, yet it enthralls the Pants! Especially the jaunty Hogwarts-esque music at the end of an episode, I love to dance to that music and pretend I have a wand like Harry Potter!!!!

So, the Pants gives the West Wing three and a half Paws, very good indeed. Although I must say that I think I would make a much better President than Martin Sheen. I could stop all arguments, wars, fights with the First Lay, etc. by rolling over, giving my best "Cafferty" look and having people RUB MY BELLY! It works every time. Seriously, the world would be a much better place if dogs ran the country and everyone went to UTEP!

I got a bath this week (Because I am the one who smells - whatevs), and I will post about my experience and the bath products I like later!!!!

The Thuder is getting worse, so I have to go! Pants Out!!!

Gas

If you can read this, please come save the Pants. Both Jessica and the Big Guy have bad gas this week. Not only that, but Jessica is sick and keeps coughing and keeping me up all night. It is loud and stinks in my house!!

I'm going to light some candles....crap. I don't have thumbs...I can't light any candles.

I'm going to hide under the bed.

Bachelorette

So Jessica and the Big Guy have been watching the "Bachelorette" on the tv. Holy god it is bad. I mean, I kind of listen along to the Bachelor to see which girl is going to start crying, but the Bachelorette is really lame-o. Most of them are serious douchebags! I think guys like Ron would only rub the Pants' belly if he was trying to impress Dee-anna. Dee-anna is stupid and annoying. If a cool girl is a greenie, then she is like a piece of lettuce. My owners need to stop watching this and start watching the Dog Whisperer or something cool. Ceezar is awesome! He never takes any crap from anyone. When he was on South Park I almost peed in the house I was laughing so hard.

Anyways, I give the Bachelorette only a half-paw. Bad times.

Chicago

My owners went to Chicago and some place the Big Guy kept calling "The Bend" this past weekend. Did they take the Pants with them? No! They left me with Laura (which was actually a lot of fun and I will discuss later) in Austin! What is wrong with this picture? (hint: It's Jessica) So while they were partying and having all the good times, I had to deal with Mozart, who is a super hyper poodle thing that likes to lick me. Totally gross!

So the last two nights since my owners have been back I've been hiding under the bed. They keep asking me "Hey Pants, what's the matter?" Ummm...you left me for four days you bastards! I mean seriously! although I did let them rub my belly. A little bit.