Sports Pants in the Hizzy!

Hey Reader Peeps! Told you I'd be back McGruber-style! (or was it MacArthur? History is not the Pants' strong suit)

Either way, you best get used to the Pants being all up in your grill! Like this!

Ummm...why do I look like a 1980's one hit wonder here?

I don't know if you know this, but the Pants is a big time sports fan. I'm talking HUGE sports fan peeps! I can't get enough. One time, the Big Guy and I watched sports for like 12 hours straight (Don't fret! Not actually 12 hours straight through. He fed me and took me to pee in between. The Big Guy always puts the Pants first!! Unlike Jessica, who usually puts tacos first LOL!!!) and when we were done he asked me if that was enough. I pawed at his shoulder to show him that my answer was clear - NO WAY! THE PANTS CAN'T GET ENOUGH!

In no particular order, the teams I love and root for seriously hard core!

• Notre Dame (Especially football! Touchdown Jesus commands me to root for them! LOL!) This past season my favorite player was Golden Tate, he's the bomb diggity! I love him not only because he had the best name ever to play for the Irish, but because every game he was like 277 flavors of awesome! To show how silly the NFL draft is (without even discussing the general silliness of Chris Berman's face, Mel Kiper's hair or Steve Young's general mormon malaise), he didn't get picked until the end of the 2nd round. WTH! If I had been drafting first, I would have drafted Tate. If I had been picking second, I would have had my attorney file an injunction suing Team #1 so that I could draft Tate instead. (Don't worry peeps, my attorney isn't either Jessica or the Big Guy. I want to win my cases. ZING!)

Golden Tate - in action!

(At first I didn't like him because I thought his name was "Golden Taint." That would have been mildly damaging for his endorsement career)

Yes I am rooting for your team Jesus.

See Jesus? It's my Notre Dame jersey! Go Irish!

• Rice (Especially baseball! Sorry they kind of suck this year Big Guy.
• 

Yell at them Wayne! Tell them to shake themselves!

• UTEP - If I could get a degree from any school, it would totally be UTEP! The magical grounds out in El Paso are often referred to as "the Tennessee Tech of the Lower Midwest", the "Boise State of the South" and "the University of Awesome Bad-Assness." Oh UTEP. (sigh) I can't wait to finish my online degree from you and have your diploma on my wall! (I'm still trying to pick a major! OMG! So hard!)

UTEP!!

BASK IN THE UNBELIEVABLE GRANDEUR!!!

• Rockets and the Mavericks (tie) - The Big Guy loves his Rockets, but Jessica likes the Mavericks and totally grew up going to their camps. At first I was scared...the Mavs had concentration camps??!!! I know Mark Cuban is dorky and all, but I had no idea he put kids in camps! Turns out it was just wishful thinking that Jessica was in such a camp. (zinger!) Actually, Jessica told me that NBA teams put on "camps" where kids come in and get instruction from the NBA guys. Way cool! She went to the Ro Blackman camp! I don't know who he is, but the name "Ro" is cool!

Ro = Cool like Fonzie

I hated to say it, but going to NBA camps was pretty cool. Plus, I watched her and the Big Guy play some hoops in the GREATEST PARK IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND (more to come on this later) and she's got some game. Don't tell her I said that. In fact, tell her that her jump shot is worse than John Starks'! The Pants is all about old school insults!

Sadly, the Rockets didn't make the playoffs this year, but the Mavs totally did! I'm typing this as I watch them play the dastardly Spurs! One thing the three of us all can agree on - the Spurs suck. They are totally sneaky and stupid! Go Mavs!

DUNK ON THEM BIG GERMAN GUY!!

The Big Guy doesn't like the Spurs because Spurs' fans used to think David Robinson was close to being as good as Hakeem Olajuwon. What? Silly Spurs! The Big Guy told me that every time they played, Hakeem would prove everyone wrong and would "bitch slap" Robinson. Oh Big Guy, your lingo is always so out of date and silly!

I take that back Big Guy...that IS a bitch slap!

• Houston Astros - not only did the Big Guy grow up rooting for the Stros even though they've never won a title, but he got drafted by them! Seriously!

The Big Guy catching one in the minors. So dashing!

I like the Rangers okay too, but I mainly root for the Astros mainly because I hope against all hope that one day they will bring back their sweet rainbow uniforms. I heard they got rid of them because epileptic kids would go to home games and would have seriously major seizures each time the Stros took the field. That has to be true. I mean, why else would they ever get rid of sweet duds like these!

Lookin' good Cruz. Lookin' damn good.

Alright, I'm going to get back to the game and root the Mavs on. Hope all my reader peeps have a good weekend! I'm going to hit the sack and snuggle up to someone special - first name "Big", last name "Guy." Later!

Keepin' Austin weird.

I AM CUTE

AND I'M ABOUT TO BE A BLOGGING FOOL! THINGS I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT!

1. Dog Training
2. Having the Big Guy Home
3. Season 6 of Lost! OMG!
4. Christmas in Plano!
5. My being rushed to A&M back in November to the emergency room
6. New Years!
7. How much the Big Guy and Jessica wants to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It's sad.
8. My new park!
9. My new baseball field!!!

Until my first real post - I'm going to take a nap!

LOLCats

So Jessica introduced the Pants to LOLcats via this wikipedia
entry

To get right to the point dear readers..it.is.awesome.

So awesome that the Pants came up with some of my own! Enjoy!

Why I'm Awesome

I've just curled up on the couch here in front of our new HDTV (the Big Guy totally got a sweet deal at Best Buy! Thanks Grandparents for the cash!), and playing some serious Mafia Wars. My Mafia is WAY bigger than that of my human persons. I've got nearly 800 mafia friends! EIGHT HUNDRED! That's like as many people as live in New York! The Big Guy has 530 or so which isn't too bad, and Jessica only has 74. 74! That's not a mafia, that's a wimpia! Get some friends! LOL!

Because I have such a rock star mafia (it's a party in the USA for my mafia! Love ya Miley!), I thought of some other reasons that I'm pretty cool. Here are a few:

1. I am very, very cute.
2. My paws smell really good. Seriously. They do.
3. Except when I've been sick, I've never had an "accident" in the house.
4. I can curl up in really small spaces and then when people accidentally sit on me, I totally scare them! LOL!
5. I am friends with the one and only FRITO GUY!!! He smells like ham.
6. I am so adorable that Cafferty hugged me once. Rapture.
7. I've gone to Dallas and back like 10 times and never gotten sick or had anything bad happen to me. Trips to Houston on the other hand....
8. I'm still cute
9. I'm very active politically, socially and bellyrubally.
10. I fit perfectly between the Big Guy and Jessica in bed.
11. I was the first dog to show Al Gore where ManBearPig was located.
12. I am cute to the 14th power!

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas! Santa Claus left me not one, but TWO boners!!!

[editor's note: "boners" should have been "bones"]

Christmas Shoes!

The Big Guy hates this song so much it's hysterical!!! Seriously...just bring it up to him and watch him go nuts for like 10 minutes!! It's like mentioning something good about Obama to Glenn Beck except without the crying and general insanity. Oh man...Christmas shoes!!

Pants Does the Skaggs!! (Not literally...though I DO have my eye on you Jack)

Reader Peeps....I AM BACK!!! Sorry for the hiatus, it's been a brutal effort from the Pants. B-R-U-T-A-L! It has been a busy few months though...of which I plan to inform you completely!!

But first, I have to let you know all about the ridiculously super fun time I had at the Skaggs' house last Wednesday (Holla at your girl Amy! LOL!). It was the first Fab 4 get-together in like a billion years. For those of you that don't know, the "Fab 4" consists of the following:

1. The Big Guy

2. Jack

3. MM

4. Sunny!! (FYI - you are almost required to put exclamation points after her name. Nobody is sure why, but it's true)

They all started at the Law Firm That Shall Not Be Named at the same time, and have stayed serious peeps ever since then!! In short, the Fab 4 rocks even harder than late-80s Poison!!

Also in attendance: Rob (awesome!), Amy (the tops!) and Jessica (eh). Not to mention Samuel and Jane Ann were there. So all the elements were in place for a blow-the-roof-off-the-joint type of funfest! And oh it did not disappoint!! Here's a photocap of the night:

Casa de Skaggs! Note how pretty and fancy! Ooo-La-La!

Am I running to the door because (a) of excitement to see my peeps or (b) to get away from Jessica? Answer: BOTH!!

Samuel giving me the first of many, many crackers over the course of the night. Needless to say, Samuel is now my favorite human person ever.

Sunny mixing her world famous margaritas! She and Rob own their own margarita machine!! Seriously. They are like the Kennedys!! (pssst Sunny, adopt me!)

Enjoying one of the aforementioned margaritas - delish! - Also, before anyone makes fun of me for my new sweater let me tell you, it's awesome. I love blankets, and it's like getting to wear a blanket all the time! The Big Guy and I went to the Pizza Eating Contest at Home Slice a few weeks ago (Shockingly Jessica didn't go, thus, it was a blast! Also, props to Chris Floyd - 4 time champ! Nice job Chompy!) and I got really cold. Like, so-cold-that-I-couldn't-stop-shaking cold! The Big Guy took off his sweatshirt and wrapped it around me to keep me warm (note to all the ladies who I am trying to upgrade Jessica with - the Big Guy is a serious gentleman. He also buys thoughtful presents, and his face is delicious!). A week later, Jessica did me a solid and got me this sweater, and I love it. Make fun of me at your peril!!!

Jack and Jane Ann. All together now. On the count of 3 - 1....2....3....awwwwwwwwwww.

Jack holding court and dropping some serious comedy on the group. Note Sunny ferociously pounding her margarita!

Give. Me. Enchiladas.

Reader peep quiz: Samuel is (a) staring in utter amazement at the deliciousness of the ice cream cake that Amy made, (b) enthralled by Jack's sweet, sweet lumberjack beard or (c) in the process of squeezing out a massive deuce in his pjs.

Help.

Sunny: "Have some margaritas."

Rob: "No."

Sunny: "Have some margaritas now!"

Rob: "No."

Sunny: "I will force feed this entire blender to you if I have to!!"

Rob: "I'm going home."

The Law Firm That Shall Not Be Named kept her late doing boring crap, but MM showed up!!! MM, you are totally my girl. Let's do lunch!

Two pieces of advice:

(1) Amy - don't get too close to Jessica again as she may try to eat you. LOL!!

(2) MM, do NOT look at Jessica directly like this without some sort of eye protection (sunglasses, eyepatches, a wall between the two of you) or she might turn you to stone Medusa-style.

They are watching "Sit and Be Fit." Seriously. I wish I was making this up.

Reminder. I am cute.

Jessica: "I HATE being in pictures."

MM: "I look good in pictures!"

Jack: "I am a dork! And I love it!"

I think we'll end with this one...mainly because I have nothing else to add to it. Dorks.

Crap

I will admit readers, I still haven't been feeling quite myself of late. I have had this weird urge to cuddle with Jessica, and that really angers the Pants. Apparently, she got the SIM message and took me to the doctor. It turns out that my UTI is STILL not cleared up!!

The doctor did all kind of tests on me to figure out what was wrong. I was NOT happy!! They checked my poop and my ears, did an ultrasound of my bell, and took X-Rays!! $500 later, and I'm back on medicine. There are two upsides to my tale of woe: Jessica had to cough up the money (LOL!) and the medicine is giving me the runs. While the latter may not seem like an upside, I plan on having an "accident" somewhere very inconvenient and horrible for Jessica!! Especially since she left me alone for HOURS the other night to go see crappy U2. The Big Guy went as well, but I'm sure it was her fault. Plus, tomorrow they are going to some bar to watch football all day. Again - I'm sure this is Jessica's idea. So, while she's out tomorrow, she will get a great surprise!! LOLOL!! Any suggestions for where to leave her my gift?? I cannot WAIT!

Pants out!