Enchanted Rock Adventure!!

To all the peeps I've loved before

To all the peeps in and out my door

I know i've been away

But for you I'm back today

To all the peeps I've loved before

Hey everyone! You're looking live..er...reading live at what might be one of the last entries that comes from the House of Payne! Jessica snookered someone into giving her a real job in Houston. For money! For reals! Houstonians are stupid!!! LOL!

So the news is that we are going to be moving down to Houston and reunited with the Big Guy again. R-A-P-T-U-R-E!!! Needless to say, when I heard this news I was so excited that I insisted on multiple belly rubs from a number of never-before-tried angles! I can't wait to hang with Beyonce once I get to H-town.

Before the Bayou City becomes my home, I have to tell you about the exploits of Dame Pants Hilary! Over Labor Day Weekend, Jessica and the Big Guy kept saying that we were going to Enchanted Rock on Monday and asking me if I was excited. I jumped up and did my cute little dance, but I'm going to level with you peeps, I had no idea what this Enchanted Rock was. It sounded like it could either be magical in an awesome way, or magical in a super lame way. What if it was just some rock and they dressed me up in some wizard outfit, like this!

Dear poor dog friend, your pride called, it's never coming back.

As we drove in the Prius west on Labor Day, they told me Enchanted Rock was some sort of mountain! OMG!! It is a dome made out of pink granite that is 425 feet tall! We got there and I was totes nervous! But I couldn't let them see me sweat (that would come later, you know, when I was climbing a freaking MOUNTAIN) so I gave them my best super confident face:

Nope. Not my douchey a-hole face.

Dear Hulkster,

Please make your daughter go away.

Sincerely,

Everyone

Not quite there...

HELLS YEAH! KEEP FEAR ALIVE STEPHEN!

My sweater of confidence.

So reader peeps here is a photocap of the big day at Enchanted Rock. Enjoy!

Enchanted Rock. Note the grandeur!

"You want me to climb WHAT?"

"Yes, yes, I've read the map. Let's DO THIS!"

If you were clumsy, you could fall into prickly cacti.

Because of this, we had to keep our eyes on Jessica all day! LOL!

Before we even started our climb, I was attacked by local wildlife!!

"Big Guy, he is totally coming back! FOR SERIOUS! HELPS!"

"I told you that monster was coming back.

Have I mentioned that I hate Enchanted Rock."

"So...we're done, right? Why are you both laughing?"

Beginning the climb...which apparently began on the moon.

Buzz Aldrin, here I come! LOL!

Hero shot. Oh yes.

Stop touching me.

"I am going to OWN you Summit Trail. Bring it!"

Jessica slowing down my herculean climb.

"I'm on a ROCK, mother******!!"

Pants-eye-view of the steepness.

That dorky kid on the right keep saying there were "Dinosaur-us" tracks. Moron.

I hope you get used to asking people whether they would like paper or plastic!

Oh snap!

My humans!!

(note the Big Guy's devastatingly sexy unshaven look!)

"I'm having fun and all Big Guy, but can we stop and rest? I might die. For reals."

"We're stopping? Oh thank God."

"I am halfway up a mountain!! And a leaf is halfway in my face. LOL"

"It's like being on a boat but not moving. WTF?"

The view. Drink it in peeps. It always goes down smooth.

MY ROCK!!!

Pants' climbing tip:

It's always important to check your map to know where you are.

Pants' climbing tip #2:

If possible, have someone carry you going up.

"Covered in water...feeling the wind...this is the life!!!"

"Raise your paw if you want to be carried down!"

"I did it! Totes Magotes!"

What a day! I'll be back soon to talk about the big move, college football, why Houston smells weird, and all the things I'll miss about Austin. Until next time Reader Peeps. The Pants....is.....out!

GO IRISH!! GO OWLS!!

Lost Party!!!

Reader Peeps! What excitement! What awesomeness! What....amazing disappointment! But that is the actual finale of Lost. The Lost Party that the Big Guy and Jessica threw tonight was crazy cool (even though Jessica was part of it...ugh). Check out these pictures!

The spread. Dharma tortilla chips! Dharma wine! Dharma water! Wowsers!

The Hieroglyphics! That ultimately meant nothing! Nice job Big Guy!!

Luggage!

Remember when 108 minutes was supposed to matter? Awesome!

SMOKE MONSTER FAIL!

Drunk/Addicted Jack (and my Big Guy!)

As good as the Big Guy as Jack is...how awesome is Jessica as Claire????? (don't tell her I said so)

Jessica (with her baybay!) and Jen Cafferty as Kate! How hot is she???? (SUPER hot, attractive/rich guys email me! clancythepants@yahoo.com)

Nick and Emily!!! (or Charlie and Richard Albert!)

Big Guy totes gave me some pepperoni! Before Lost sucked!!!

Don't tell anyone I did this. But I had a good time here.

Pat came over, with his new kid Finn. Finn Fitzgerald! Irish much! LOL!!!!

Ultimate Answer. I am cute!

The Pants' Way to Eat a Bone

Warning: This chomping video is intense, especially for you younger reader peeps. Further proof that to be a bone around the Pants is to be a target of my wrath!!!

Sports Pants in the Hizzy!

Hey Reader Peeps! Told you I'd be back McGruber-style! (or was it MacArthur? History is not the Pants' strong suit)

Either way, you best get used to the Pants being all up in your grill! Like this!

Ummm...why do I look like a 1980's one hit wonder here?

I don't know if you know this, but the Pants is a big time sports fan. I'm talking HUGE sports fan peeps! I can't get enough. One time, the Big Guy and I watched sports for like 12 hours straight (Don't fret! Not actually 12 hours straight through. He fed me and took me to pee in between. The Big Guy always puts the Pants first!! Unlike Jessica, who usually puts tacos first LOL!!!) and when we were done he asked me if that was enough. I pawed at his shoulder to show him that my answer was clear - NO WAY! THE PANTS CAN'T GET ENOUGH!

In no particular order, the teams I love and root for seriously hard core!

• Notre Dame (Especially football! Touchdown Jesus commands me to root for them! LOL!) This past season my favorite player was Golden Tate, he's the bomb diggity! I love him not only because he had the best name ever to play for the Irish, but because every game he was like 277 flavors of awesome! To show how silly the NFL draft is (without even discussing the general silliness of Chris Berman's face, Mel Kiper's hair or Steve Young's general mormon malaise), he didn't get picked until the end of the 2nd round. WTH! If I had been drafting first, I would have drafted Tate. If I had been picking second, I would have had my attorney file an injunction suing Team #1 so that I could draft Tate instead. (Don't worry peeps, my attorney isn't either Jessica or the Big Guy. I want to win my cases. ZING!)

Golden Tate - in action!

(At first I didn't like him because I thought his name was "Golden Taint." That would have been mildly damaging for his endorsement career)

Yes I am rooting for your team Jesus.

See Jesus? It's my Notre Dame jersey! Go Irish!

• Rice (Especially baseball! Sorry they kind of suck this year Big Guy.
• 

Yell at them Wayne! Tell them to shake themselves!

• UTEP - If I could get a degree from any school, it would totally be UTEP! The magical grounds out in El Paso are often referred to as "the Tennessee Tech of the Lower Midwest", the "Boise State of the South" and "the University of Awesome Bad-Assness." Oh UTEP. (sigh) I can't wait to finish my online degree from you and have your diploma on my wall! (I'm still trying to pick a major! OMG! So hard!)

UTEP!!

BASK IN THE UNBELIEVABLE GRANDEUR!!!

• Rockets and the Mavericks (tie) - The Big Guy loves his Rockets, but Jessica likes the Mavericks and totally grew up going to their camps. At first I was scared...the Mavs had concentration camps??!!! I know Mark Cuban is dorky and all, but I had no idea he put kids in camps! Turns out it was just wishful thinking that Jessica was in such a camp. (zinger!) Actually, Jessica told me that NBA teams put on "camps" where kids come in and get instruction from the NBA guys. Way cool! She went to the Ro Blackman camp! I don't know who he is, but the name "Ro" is cool!

Ro = Cool like Fonzie

I hated to say it, but going to NBA camps was pretty cool. Plus, I watched her and the Big Guy play some hoops in the GREATEST PARK IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND (more to come on this later) and she's got some game. Don't tell her I said that. In fact, tell her that her jump shot is worse than John Starks'! The Pants is all about old school insults!

Sadly, the Rockets didn't make the playoffs this year, but the Mavs totally did! I'm typing this as I watch them play the dastardly Spurs! One thing the three of us all can agree on - the Spurs suck. They are totally sneaky and stupid! Go Mavs!

DUNK ON THEM BIG GERMAN GUY!!

The Big Guy doesn't like the Spurs because Spurs' fans used to think David Robinson was close to being as good as Hakeem Olajuwon. What? Silly Spurs! The Big Guy told me that every time they played, Hakeem would prove everyone wrong and would "bitch slap" Robinson. Oh Big Guy, your lingo is always so out of date and silly!

I take that back Big Guy...that IS a bitch slap!

• Houston Astros - not only did the Big Guy grow up rooting for the Stros even though they've never won a title, but he got drafted by them! Seriously!

The Big Guy catching one in the minors. So dashing!

I like the Rangers okay too, but I mainly root for the Astros mainly because I hope against all hope that one day they will bring back their sweet rainbow uniforms. I heard they got rid of them because epileptic kids would go to home games and would have seriously major seizures each time the Stros took the field. That has to be true. I mean, why else would they ever get rid of sweet duds like these!

Lookin' good Cruz. Lookin' damn good.

Alright, I'm going to get back to the game and root the Mavs on. Hope all my reader peeps have a good weekend! I'm going to hit the sack and snuggle up to someone special - first name "Big", last name "Guy." Later!

Keepin' Austin weird.

I AM CUTE

AND I'M ABOUT TO BE A BLOGGING FOOL! THINGS I HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT!

1. Dog Training
2. Having the Big Guy Home
3. Season 6 of Lost! OMG!
4. Christmas in Plano!
5. My being rushed to A&M back in November to the emergency room
6. New Years!
7. How much the Big Guy and Jessica wants to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It's sad.
8. My new park!
9. My new baseball field!!!

Until my first real post - I'm going to take a nap!